Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
