dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Randomize
