Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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