She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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