the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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