you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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