I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
