Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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