Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
