Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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