she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My ATM looks so different sober.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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