It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
