I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
