Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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