Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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