You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
