eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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