Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Terrible idea I love it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
