i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
