pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
