oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
