i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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