Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
