So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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