question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
