Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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