Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
