He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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