First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
