flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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