I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
