They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
