I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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