we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
