Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We left an ass print on the piano.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
