I think my fart just growled at me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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