just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Define "chronic" masturbator.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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