i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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