in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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