His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
