Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
