I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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