For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
