If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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