i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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