Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
