i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
