The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
