is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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