I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize