I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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