I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
