I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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