do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
