My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
