Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
