some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
