So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize