I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
