i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
