wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
