Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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