you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
