At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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