I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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