If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
