Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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